Mr. Hieronymus Hogg of the American Goober Council came to visit today, in a proper tizzy, as would be expected, given recent events. There’s just no doubt about it – the last two or three years have not been good ones for the noble peanut, Arachis hypogaea, that sturdy, magnanimous and nutritious legume, which has,… Continue reading George Washington Carver Rolls Over in Grave
Category: Science and Technology
Octopussy Lays an Egg
Thursday morning, Gretchen took advantage of a lull in the action after lunch to ask a favor – Veronica, it seems, had been after her to become the first unmarried woman in history to bear ten live babies who survive to star in a cable television show. “What’s the word for that, anyway,” she asked,… Continue reading Octopussy Lays an Egg
Geraldine Wilson, Please Phone Home
When Gretchen booked Nathaniel Gordon of the National H1B Visa Coalition for a consultation, I suspected he would present some tough problems, and I dare say he did not disappoint me. Arriving promptly at eight a.m., wearing a ten thousand dollar suit, a six thousand dollar pair of shoes, a thousand dollar French cut shirt… Continue reading Geraldine Wilson, Please Phone Home
French Post Card Industry on Verge of Cancellation
As Fate and my appointment schedule would have it, I was sufficiently close by the Willard Hotel around lunch time, and after dining had about an hour to kill at the Round Robin Bar. There I spied Phil McCrakin, principal lobbyist for the Association of American Pornographers. Well, how about that, I thought to myself… Continue reading French Post Card Industry on Verge of Cancellation
Military Intelligence Once Again Proved Oxymoron
Friday morning at eight a.m., the phone on the night table next to my bed rang. From the caller ID I knew it was Gretchen, who, having been raised on a farm, likes to come in early: Tom: Yes, Gretchen, what is it? Gretchen: Mr. Collins, there’s a… military gentleman here, from… that’s the US… Continue reading Military Intelligence Once Again Proved Oxymoron