Jun 202020
 

Yesterday, I received an encrypted IM from Gretchen about scheduling a new appointment: Some guy named Mark Meadows called. Claimed he works at the White House. Sounded like a complete backwoods hick with a deep-fried redneck accent that would embarrass Larry the Cable Guy. It appears he’s what happens when southerners marry their cousins for a few generations – he can barely put together a nine word sentence without sounding like a total mouth-breathing moron, and he’s such an ignoramus he thinks Obama was born in Kenya and that the Earth is six thousand years old. I know that because his favorite subject is himself and he talked to me about it nonstop for twenty-seven minutes, during which he told […]

May 042020
 

One thing I have noticed about working from home exclusively during the coronavirus crisis is that my clients have begun to figure that Sundays are as good as any other day to request an appointment. Back before the DMV regional lockdown, there used to be a distinction, but not any more. And strangely enough, I have found it doesn’t bother me as much as I would have expected – I, myself, have pretty much forgotten about the different characteristics the days of the week used to possess. Mondays, for example, don’t feel any different from Fridays, although I am sure I recall that they once definitely did. It used to be, of course, that when people sought consultation appointments on […]

Apr 042020
 

The global coronavirus pandemic has fully arrived in the United States in general and the Washington DC metropolitan area in particular. Breaking with our usual local traditions regarding foreign visitors, however, we did not throw it a parade. And while its arrival did not completely reduce Washington to a ghost town, the streets of the Nation’s Capital indeed became mighty sparsely populated, and very quickly at that. Social distancing was no problem for me, though, since I live in Great Falls, Virginia, where my nearest neighbor’s home is about a hundred and fifty feet away from my front door. Entering my imported sports car within the confines of my garage, I drove, by myself, to a reserved parking space in […]

Mar 012020
 

Thursday evening after work, I stopped by the Round Robin Bar, as I often do. About halfway through my Macallan 18 on the rocks, Higganbotham slid into the booth next to me and tossed an envelope on the cocktail table. “Count it,” he said. I knew Higganbotham, as most Beltway insiders do, as a notorious Republican bag man and fixer, so his behavior was hardly surprising. “I will,” I dryly replied, “but not here. This is a consultation fee, I presume?” “You presume right,” he growled. “Take that money, finish your scotch quick and follow me. We’re going for a little ride.” Outside in front of the Willard Hotel, a black stretch limousine with darkly tinted passenger windows and federal […]

Feb 092020
 

This week, Washington dodged what might have been about two and one half feet of snow, getting about two and three quarter inches of rain instead. The last time DC got the amount of precipitation which, if frozen, the last few of days worth of rain would comprise, was ten years ago, and the storm is still remembered here as “Snowmageddon.” So it was quite fortunate that all we got was rain, because all it takes to paralyze the entire DC metropolitan area is about two inches of snow, which, if it fell as rain, would work out to be about eighteen one hundredths of an inch, or for those of you who do metric, about half a centimeter of […]