Apr 042020
 

The global coronavirus pandemic has fully arrived in the United States in general and the Washington DC metropolitan area in particular. Breaking with our usual local traditions regarding foreign visitors, however, we did not throw it a parade. And while its arrival did not completely reduce Washington to a ghost town, the streets of the Nation’s Capital indeed became mighty sparsely populated, and very quickly at that. Social distancing was no problem for me, though, since I live in Great Falls, Virginia, where my nearest neighbor’s home is about a hundred and fifty feet away from my front door. Entering my imported sports car within the confines of my garage, I drove, by myself, to a reserved parking space in […]

Mar 012020
 

Thursday evening after work, I stopped by the Round Robin Bar, as I often do. About halfway through my Macallan 18 on the rocks, Higganbotham slid into the booth next to me and tossed an envelope on the cocktail table. “Count it,” he said. I knew Higganbotham, as most Beltway insiders do, as a notorious Republican bag man and fixer, so his behavior was hardly surprising. “I will,” I dryly replied, “but not here. This is a consultation fee, I presume?” “You presume right,” he growled. “Take that money, finish your scotch quick and follow me. We’re going for a little ride.” Outside in front of the Willard Hotel, a black stretch limousine with darkly tinted passenger windows and federal […]

Feb 092020
 

This week, Washington dodged what might have been about two and one half feet of snow, getting about two and three quarter inches of rain instead. The last time DC got the amount of precipitation which, if frozen, the last few of days worth of rain would comprise, was ten years ago, and the storm is still remembered here as “Snowmageddon.” So it was quite fortunate that all we got was rain, because all it takes to paralyze the entire DC metropolitan area is about two inches of snow, which, if it fell as rain, would work out to be about eighteen one hundredths of an inch, or for those of you who do metric, about half a centimeter of […]

Jan 192020
 

My sister-in-law Katje invited herself over to my office Friday morning and camped out in the reception area chatting with Gretchen about the myriad evils of the Trump administration and regaling my paying clients about the ongoing impeachment of the President until I agreed to speak with her. As it happened, I was booked solid through six-thirty in the evening, so the deal we struck was that she would stop pestering everyone and leave; in return I would take her call at six-forty five. That allowed me about ten minutes to drink a large caramel macchiato with two extra espresso shots between the end of my final consultation of the day and having to talk to her. Not ideal, but […]

Dec 182019
 

When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains, And the women come out to cut up what remains, Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier. – Rudyard Kipling Despite the impression that numerous posts may have created, I don’t always conduct consultations in my office. I do, however, tack a considerable surcharge on my usual hourly rates to visit clients for appointments, and that usually acts as effective leverage to encourage them to come see me instead. And besides, as numerous other posts have also noted, my office is a pretty cool place to hang out for an hour or two anyway. But with some clients, cost is no […]