Sushi is like rock and roll – it can be mighty fine, indeed, but it can only get so good. That’s in contrast to French – and, I dare say Italian – cuisine, which are like classical music, and as such, have no upper limits. But when it came time to celebrate my sister-in-law Katje attaining a CX-310-110 Mobile Developer Certification, she and my brother Rob Roy opted for the sushi at SEI over my other suggestions involving Continental options. It made sense to me, since either of them would choose electric guitars over violins, anytime. SEI has a good selection of interesting sake and shochu with which to accompany its clever sushi creations, too. Both Rob and Katje appreciated that, for sure. It was about halfway through our repast last night that the liquor started talking, though.
“What the [expletive] is wrong with people in this country?” Katje demanded as she finished her second shochu tasting flight of the evening, consisting of Hakutake Shiro Kome, ReLento Kokuto, and Kurouma Gold Mugi. “Can you believe the attention that [expletive] crazy [expletive] Sarah Palin is getting?”
“Presumably,” I observed, “going on a multi-state tour in a bus covered with huge images of the Constitution and her personal signature constitutes an attempt to get some, and apparently, she has succeeded.”
“Some?” Katje snorted. “The press is following her in a fifteen or even twenty vehicle caravan with their tongues hanging out, like they’re starving puppies and she’s got a pork chop tied around her neck! It’s a total circus! They have no idea where she’s headed or what she’s going to do when she gets there, either! But they’re completely convinced that no matter where it is and what she does, it’s going to be news! I don’t know about you, but as far as I’m concerned, if it looks like a retard, and it walks like a retard and it talks like a retard and it acts like a retard, then it’s a retard, and that’s exactly what every reporter following Sarah Palin’s bus is – a [expletive] retard! And I hope they’re all really damned [expletive] proud of themselves for it! Yeah; make sure you put that on your resume, people: ‘followed Sarah Palin’s bus around for a week like a [expletive] retard.’ That ought to score some big points with the Pulitzer Committee.”
“You have to bear in mind,” I pointed out, “that she is considered, by some at least, to be a viable candidate for President in 2012.”
“So that makes her sightseeing trip news?” Katje asked. “She keeps insisting that it’s just a family vacation. So how come the press can’t treat it as one?”
“Could it be, maybe because she’s using a vehicle,” Rob Roy interjected, “that looks, walks, flaps and quacks like a campaign bus?”
“No,” I clarified, “she has made it quite clear that her vehicle is not a campaign bus. As she said, it’s ‘a bus to be able to express to America how much we appreciate our foundation.’”
“I had no idea,” Katje snickered, “that she’s so fond of body briefers. Come on, Tom, let’s face the facts here – she’s getting media exposure that would have a fair market value of millions of dollars to any other political candidate for President. So how seriously could anyone – including the Federal Election Commission – take this absurd ‘it’s just a family vacation’ story? Can somebody tell my why, if the nine hundred grand in hush money John Edwards paid his pregnant mistress was a violation of federal campaign funding laws, how come the all money Sarah Palin is spending on this so-called ‘family vacation’ doesn’t count? There she is, getting massive television time on Fox News with exclusive interviews by Greta Van Susteren! And all the while, she’s saying she doesn’t need ‘the “lame stream” media,’ and claiming she isn’t interested in obtaining publicity.”
“Sure,” Rob Roy noted with a cynical tone, “that’s why, when she decided to visit New Hampshire on the very day Mitt Romney announced his candidacy, it was a complete coincidence. Obviously. And, of course, everybody gives their family vacation a catchy name like ‘One Nation Tour,’ don’t they?”
“And pays for it with PAC money donated by visitors to their Web site,” Katje acidly remarked.
“Well,” I mused, “I’m sure that most folks would agree, if they could get sympathetic members of the public to pay for their family vacations, they would take the money, too. And considering Sarah Palin’s grasp of American history, you have to admit that she certainly could benefit from a tour of some the more important historical sites in our nation.”
“Do you figure that by now she’s got it straight which New England state the Revolutionary War started in?” Rob Roy japed.
“Based on what she said about Paul Revere yesterday,” Katje snarked, “I wouldn’t be too sure. According to Sarah Palin, Paul Revere was, ‘He who warned the British that they weren’t going be taking away our arms by ringing those bells…’ by which she meant the bells in the Old North Church, I suppose, ‘and, making sure that we were going to be armed.’ So according to Sarah Palin, Paul Revere was nothing more than a right-wing gun nut, and so was everybody else in the thirteen colonies. I mean, it’s ridiculous! No matter where that idiot looks, all she sees is justifications for the stupid stuff she already believes in!”
“That’s why she’s so popular with the Tea Party,” Rob Roy explained. “They’re all pretty much like that.”
“She’s not particularly popular with anyone else, however,” I informed them. “Only forty-eight percent of Republicans have a favorable opinion of Sarah Palin, and not even all of them say they would vote for her. Furthermore, overall, she’s got a fifty-nine percent unfavorable rating with the general public. Nobody gets elected President when of six out of ten people don’t like them. Consequently, all she can do is pander to her base with comments about how good the motorcycle exhaust at Rolling Thunder smells, or by calling Medicare a Ponzi scheme; and pull stunts like eating pizza with Donald Trump and putting her ten-year-old daughter up to scolding reporters for ruining their ‘vacation.’”
“So you agree, then,” Rob Roy concluded. “She’s not on a family junket, she’s conducting a disguised political campaign.”
“But it’s really not a political campaign, though,” I told him. “You do know, don’t you, that she has a movie coming out?”
Katje and Rob Roy looked at each other in shock. “A movie?” Katje stammered.
“That’s right,” I affirmed. “A motion picture about herself, a two-hour documentary entitled The Undefeated, which is slated to premiere in Iowa next month. So the One Nation Tour is actually a publicity campaign for her film.”
After a moment, they turned to look at me. “What’s it about?” Rob Roy asked.
“I don’t know exactly,” I admitted, “since most of it is under wraps and undergoing final cuts. But the producers have released a one-minute clip which indicates at least part of the motion picture will concern Sarah Palin’s confrontation with Exxon-Mobil.”
“Huh?” Now Katje was completely nonplussed. “Sarah Palin went up against Big Oil?”
“She certainly did,” I confirmed.
“About what?” Rob Roy inquired with an air of utter incredulity.
“To force them to drill in a pristine Arctic wilderness,” I revealed.
“To… force them… to drill?” Katje’s eyes went wide.
“Of course,” I told her. “What else would you expect Sarah Palin to do?”
“Right,” Rob Roy spat. “Sure. Exactly. Damn, that [expletive] totally [expletive] me off!”
“And,” I assured him, “that no doubt delights not only Sarah Palin, but any and every yahoo and bozo who wants to see her in the White House, too. It’s the outrage of good liberals like you that provides the fuel for the Looney Tunes Sarah Palin juggernaut. Think about it – ask yourself, why are you validating this pathetic clown and the legions of ingnorant cretins who follow her? You’re angry that the press doesn’t just ignore her, aren’t you? So how come you don’t just ignore her?”
“I… she… uh… we…” Katje stuttered.
“Because,” Rob Roy declared, “for us liberals, Sarah Palin is like a really gory accident on the Beltway. You’re driving along at sixty-five miles an hour and suddenly, you see this incredibly shocking… thing… by the highway. There’s heads and arms and pieces of cars and stuff scattered all over the place, and blood all over the pavement and police cruisers and fire trucks and ambulances and all that everywhere, and try as you might, you just can’t help slowing down to look at it, even though it’s all happening on the other side of the road.”
“In that case,” I advised, “what you need to realize is that, in reality, Sarah Palin is not like a spectacular accident on the Beltway.”
“Okay,” Rob Roy shrugged, “What is she?”
“Sarah Palin,” I proposed, “is like what you see when you go into the woods on a hot summer day and turn over a big, flat rock.”
“Eww!” Katje exclaimed. “Did you have to say that while we’re eating sushi?”