Author: tomcollins

George Washington Carver Rolls Over in Grave

Mr. Hieronymus Hogg of the American Goober Council came to visit today, in a proper tizzy, as would be expected, given recent events.  There’s just no doubt about it – the last two or three years have not been good ones for the noble peanut, Arachis hypogaea, that sturdy, magnanimous and nutritious legume, which has,… Continue reading George Washington Carver Rolls Over in Grave

Geraldine Wilson, Please Phone Home

When Gretchen booked Nathaniel Gordon of the National H1B Visa Coalition for a consultation, I suspected he would present some tough problems, and I dare say he did not disappoint me.  Arriving promptly at eight a.m., wearing a ten thousand dollar suit, a six thousand dollar pair of shoes, a thousand dollar French cut shirt… Continue reading Geraldine Wilson, Please Phone Home

Good Thing that Cucumber Flunked the Audition

Washington had its first snow storm of the winter yesterday, followed this morning by an ice storm that has, predictably, paralyzed the place completely.  Around eleven thirty, our new President remarked to reporters he’s quite amazed that a quarter inch of ice could render the capital city of the greatest nation in history a crippled shadow… Continue reading Good Thing that Cucumber Flunked the Audition

New Secretary Endures a Taxing Interview

What with Monday and Tuesday wiped off my calendar by the Inauguration, I’ve been working late all week.  It was after six when I completed my final consultation.  Then the phone rang.  It was Timothy Geithner. Tom: Good evening, Mr. Secretary-designate.  This is Tom Collins.  How may I help you? Geithner: Please, call me Tim.… Continue reading New Secretary Endures a Taxing Interview