I was relaxing at my home in Great Falls, Virginia this afternoon, preparing to drive over to Fairfax for what my sister-in-law Shannon promises to be a genuine Chicago Irish St. Patrick’s day celebration, when my POTS land line rang. The caller ID was partially blocked, showing only an 858 area code. I must confess, my curiosity got the better of me. After all, I don’t know anybody in La Jolla, California.
Tom: Hello, who’s this?
Caller: Uh, I’d rather not say, if that’s okay with you.
Tom: Sure, no problem, I talk to anonymous strangers on the telephone all the time. It’s part of my work. What can I do for you?
Caller: Is this Tom Collins?
Tom: Indeed it is. May I ask where you got this number?
Caller: From Veronica. She and I met when she lived in Malibu. We… have the motion picture industry in common. I called her about my… problem, and she suggested I call you. She mentioned she’s uh… your room mate?
Tom: Yes, for a while now. Ever since her mansion in Malibu burned down in one of your lovely Golden State wildfires. She got the place in a divorce settlement, but never could afford to insure it.
Caller: Is she there now?
Tom: No, she’s getting an early start celebrating St. Patrick’s day with a congressman from Boston.
Caller: Veronica said you’re the smartest person inside the Beltway.
Tom: Many people say that about me. It’s a lot like being the tallest building in Baltimore.
Caller: Baltimore? Gee, I wouldn’t know. Is that in like, Pennsylvania or something?
Tom: Spoken like a true Californian. No, Baltimore is in Maryland.
Caller: Which is like, next to… Georgia, right?
Tom: It’s about forty miles north of Washington, D.C. – you know, where the Beltway is.
Caller: The Beltway is in Baltimore?
Tom: Never mind. What can I do for you?
Caller: Well, Veronica said it usually costs foreign embassies, US government agencies, the World Bank and stuff like that big bucks to get your advice, but you would let me have some for free if I told you Veronica referred me.
Tom: Sure, sure, she was correct. So what’s your problem?
Caller: Um, right, okay… are you familiar with Invisible Children?
Tom: The organization founded by Jason Russell?
Caller: Yeah, yeah, my… I mean, that’s correct, he’s the founder.
Tom: It just so happens, I’m quite familiar with Mr. Russell and his work.
Caller: Oh, really? Ah… how so?
Tom: The Ugandan government contacted me the day before yesterday and asked me for some advice about an Internet video he made, titled Kony 2012.
Caller: Oh… oh, really? Have you seen it?
Tom: Yes. Can you hold on a minute?
Caller: Uh, sure.
Tom: Okay, I’m in my home office, and I’ve accessed the virtual private network at my firm in downtown DC. Here are the notes I took when I watched Kony 2012 before advising the Ugandan government:
The video opens with inspirational inanity about the power of technology. This is followed by a stereotypical baby birth video, as anyone sufficiently tasteless might take of his wife’s or girlfriend’s delivery of their child at the hospital. Next, Jason Russel shows off his son Gavin with home videos, frolicking at the playground and so forth, at what appears to be an age for four or five. He and his Dad like being in movies and making movies, we are told. Next, we see Jacob, who is introduced as “our friend in Africa.”
After meeting Jacob, we see videos of Jacob telling Jason about atrocities committed by the Lord’s Resistance Army, an African outlaw military rebel group lead by a man named Joseph Kony. The atrocities include the murder of Jacob’s brother. This is followed by videos of various other atrocities, apparently recent and located in Africa.
Next, we see Jacob tell Jason he would rather die than stay in Uganda and that he wants to go to heaven to meet his brother. At this, Jason promises to stop the LRA.
That, we are told, is what lead Jason to make what he calls “this movie,” which is a bit strange, since it’s just a video. This movie, he tells us is “about you” – a statement which is followed by pictures of people who appear to be Americans or perhaps Northern Europeans, but certainly not Africans.
Jason then announces that “This movie expires on December 31, 2012, it’s sole purpose is to stop Joseph Kony.” Jason then explains Joseph Kony and the LRA to his little son, Gavin. Jason accuses Kony of kidnapping children, arming them and forcing them to kill people for the LRA. This is accompanied by a montage of child soldiers and sex slaves. Jason alleges 30,000 children have been forced to become foot soldiers and sex slaves for the LRA.
Jason goes on to allege that Kony represents nobody and is supported by no one, accompanied by a montage of the International Criminal Court, where Kony is Public Enemy Number One.
The video then cuts back to Gavin, who asks his father, “what should we do?” Jason’s answer is, “Stop him.” But the problem, Jason tells Gavin, is that, “Ninety percent of the planet doesn’t know who he is.” This is followed by an interview excerpt with Norbert Mao, dissident minor Ugandan politician, who denounces Kony and the LRA.
Next, we see a montage of Washington DC with a voice over by Jason alleging that nothing is being done because Kony and the LRA do not affect US national interests.
After this, we see a flashback montage of how the movement to stop Kony was built. There is a video of Jacob, now a young man, visiting the United States, speaking against the LRA. “We did it ourselves, with our time, talent and money,” Jason tell us. “We built schools, we created jobs and built an early warning radio network to warn of LRA attacks, all funded by an army of young people. The TRI program,” Jason asserts, “proved a bunch of little people could make a difference.”
This is followed by a montage of crowd scenes, which are obviously meant to represent large TRI rallies, although it is not immediately evident that these are, in fact, all examples of TRI members in action. Next, we see an interview with a TRI member, who tells the camera, “This is how the world should work.”
Another montage, this time of Invisible Children activists lobbying in Washington DC, follows, with Jason in voice over saying, “What I was told would never happen suddenly became possible,” and then reading from a letter signed by President Obama stating that the US will provide advisors to assist Uganda against the LRA.
“In October, 2011 US Advisors were sent to Uganda,” Jason tell us, “The first time in history this has been done because the people demanded it – not for self defense, but because it was right.”
The sound track plays teletype sound effects as the screen goes black and a message appears. It reads,”High Frequency Radio Report from Central Africa, Date December 2, 2011. A 14 year old boy who just escaped reports that ‘Joseph Kony now knows of the United States’ plan to stop the LRA and he is going to change his tactics to avoid capture, now that the great power is after him.” This part, I found very remarkable, indeed. Did Kony announce his strategic plans to his child troops? Or was the 14 year old kid perhaps a member of Kony’s inner circle? I mean, really, now – just how the hell did this boy know what this statement alleges? Oh well, whatever – next we see a montage of Kony, with Jason in voice over telling us that he is still out there, he has recently changed his tactics to avoid capture and that international support could be withdrawn at any time.
Cut to a shot of Senator Jim Inhofe warning that “If we take the pressure off,” “he will grow his numbers,” and that “If interest wanes,” the support will go away, and “I’d end up standing out there alone trying to do something.”
Cut to a shot of Luis Moreno Ocampo, ICC prosecutor, who tells us, “It will be bad for the world if we fail.”
Cut to shots of Hitler and Auschwitz, rows of what appear to be Cambodian skulls from the Pol Pot reign of terror, with Jason in voice over proclaiming, “If we are going to change that, we have to start somewhere. So we’re starting here with Joseph Kony, because now we know what to do. In order for Kony to be arrested this year, the Ugandan military has to find him. In order to find him, they need the technology and training to track him in the vast jungle. That’s where the American advisors come in. But in order for the advisors to be there, the US government has to deploy them. They’ve done that, but if the government doesn’t believe that the people care about arresting Kony, the mission will be canceled. In order for the people to care, they have to know, and they will only know if Kony’s name is everywhere. This is the dream, that Kony will be arrested for all the world to see, and the abducted children returned home.”
Cut to Jason and little Gavin. “The biggest problem,” Jason tells his son, “is that nobody knows who he is. He’s not famous. He’s invisible. Here is how we are going to make him visible.”
Cut to a black-on-red banner unfurling, it reads: “Make Him Famous.”
Next we see a montage of presidential campaign signs, posters with Kony’s picture, and newspaper headlines. “We are going to make Joseph Kony a household name,” Jason tells us. “Not to celebrate him, but to bring his crimes into the light.”
Jason then presents his proposed plan for 2012 – target 20 culture makers and 12 policy makers to “use their power for good.”
We see a montage of culture makers. Cut to George Clooney, who states that he would like “indicted war criminals to enjoy the same level of celebrity” as he does.
A montage of celebrity head shots ensues as Jason outlines his strategy, followed by a similar montage of policy makers. “No matter what side you’re on,” Jason concludes, “this is something we can all agree on.”
Jason then urges viewers to use his Web site to contact the policy makers. This is followed by a cut to Shepard Fairey, the Obama poster artist, endorsing Jason’s strategy, exhorting viewers to “Go out and rock it.”
Over a montage of posters, Jason tells us that the objective is to get people to ask, “Who is Joseph Kony?” Jason then pitches posters, bracelets, and an action kit, telling viewers, “You can geo-tag your posters and track your impact in real time.” Then Jason asks for donations to TRI.
Next, Jason cites April 20, 2012, as the day to “blanket every city with posters demanding justice on every corner.” This is followed by a slow Ken Burns style fly-over of a graphic showing a pyramid covered with symbols of power, media and money, with Jason declaring “that has all changed now. The system has been turned upside down.”
Cut to Luis Ocampo, who tells us, “We are living in the Facebook world.”
Over a montage of Kony and Ugandan children, Jason proclaims, “Arresting Joseph Kony will prove that the world we live in has new rules, that the technology that has brought our planet together is allowing us to respond to the problems of our friends. We are not just studying human history, we are shaping it. Cut to a montage of little Gavin. “At the end of my life, I want to say that the world we’ve left behind is one Gavin can be proud of.” Gavin smiles at the camera and says, “I want to be like you, Dad.” “The better world we want is coming,” Jason asserts, “it’s just waiting for us to stop at nothing.”
Cut to black with block lettering: “Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come. Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time is now. Three things you can do right now:
1. Sign the pledge to show your support
2. Get the bracelet and the action kit
3. Sign up for TRI to donate a few dollars a month and join our army for peace.
Above all share this movie online.” The video concludes with display of the organizational Web site address.
Caller: Wow. You really are familiar with that video, aren’t you?
Tom: I’d say that’s a fair assessment.
Caller: Do you find it… moving?
Tom: No, not particularly.
Caller: No?
Tom: Correct.
Caller: Okay then – effective?
Tom: That remains to be seen. I doubt it will be, however.
Caller: Really? Okay. It’s very high quality, though, don’t you think? Very professional, right?
Tom: To be frank, madame, when I first saw it, I presumed that video was made by a moderately talented amateur.
Caller: You did?
Tom: Yes. I was very surprised to find out later that Jason Russell had attended film school.
Caller: So… um… what’s your opinion of it?
Tom: Well, it certainly seems that they have at least one very effective professor of montage at the University of Southern California School of Cinematic Arts. However, it looks like Mr. Russell must have slept through just about every other class.
Caller: What! How can you say that about Jason Russell? Why, he… he… sold a musical to Steven Spielberg!
Tom: So, you’re one of his… fans, I presume?
Caller: Ah, uh… well, I wouldn’t say that I’m a fan, exactly, but I know him, and I’ve always thought of Jason as a very talented person.
Tom: Until a few minutes ago, you also thought the city of Baltimore was in Pennsylvania and the state of Maryland was next to Georgia.
Caller: Okay, okay, so maybe it’s not the best movie ever made. But what I don’t understand is what got so many people so upset about it. Like, for instance, what got the Ugandans to mad? Why, when Invisible Children showed Kony 2012 in Uganda, they threw rocks at the screen and chased us away with broom handles and rakes!
Tom: Well, for starters, Invisible Children got a bill passed in the US Congress last November that was supposed to have the United States help Uganda track Kony down, but instead, the Museveni government in Kampala used the US support as leverage to increase repression, terror and atrocities committed by the Ugandan military. And there’s also another thing that probably also made them angry.
Caller: What’s that?
Tom: There’s no evidence that Joseph Kony is even in Uganda anymore. He’s been hiding in the Central African Republic for the last year, at least.
Caller: He has?
Tom: Yes, and the civil war he was fighting with the central government ended in 2006.
Caller: It did?
Tom: Correct. And since then, neighboring South Sudan has become an independent country, immediately after which, the government of the Republic of Sudan in Khartoum launched it’s own terror and atrocity campaign against the population there. Meanwhile, in the nearby Democratic Republic of the Congo, US military advisors are already training a battalion of DRC troops to stabilize the petroleum reserves in South Sudan. In addition, there are issues of marginalization of Northern Ugandan populations, inter-tribal conflicts, religious issues and…
Caller: Excuse me? Sorry for interrupting, but I don’t understand.
Tom: Let’s just say, the world in general and Africa in particular are a bit more complicated than Jason Russell can explain to little Gavin, even if he had a four hour video to do it.
Caller: Gee, you really think so?
Tom: I know so. Look, bottom line, at the moment, Kony’s stuck out in the middle of uninhabited jungle and down to less than five hundred troops. But, despite that, Kony 2012 makes it look like he’s still running around Uganda doing incredibly evil things, when in fact, it portrays a situation that hasn’t been the actual state of affairs in Uganda since at least 2008. It also portrays the Ugandans in a very, very patronizing manner, suggesting that the only thing that can be done is for nice white people in places like America to intervene and straighten things out for them.
Caller: But Jason is a nice white American person – he’s an Evangelical Christian!
Tom: What the Ugandans see is another American celebrity – or, in Jason Russell’s case, a wannabe celebrity – posing as the Great White Hero, riding to the rescue of the poor, benighted natives.
Caller: What! Why, those ingrates!
Tom: Ingrates? And for what are they ungrateful, pray tell?
Caller: Why, why… for not appreciating Jason Russell trying to help them, of course!
Tom: Madame, I hate to disillusion you, but in the estimation of many foreign policy experts, Kony 2012 is nothing more than misguided, hysterical propaganda which many in the international community will see as a call for US military intervention to serve as a pretext for a US oil corporate land grab aimed at the petroleum rich regions of northern Uganda.
Caller: But that’s not what Jason intended, not at all!
Tom: So, what did he intend, then?
Caller: Why, to get Joseph Kony arrested and brought to trial at the International Criminal Court, of course.
Tom: And, whether that ever happened or not, to make Joseph Kony famous, as he actually came out and said in the video. And to use that video to make himself famous, too, right? To make “Jason Russell” a household word, correct?
Caller: No, no, not at all! Jason’s not like that!
Tom: He’s an actor?
Caller: Uh, yeah.
Tom: He’s a choreographer?
Caller: Yes, that, too.
Tom: He’s a director?
Caller: Ah, right.
Tom: He went to film school?
Caller: Uh-huh.
Tom: And you’re telling me, he doesn’t want to be a celebrity?
Caller: Well, sure, he does, I guess, but not for making Kony 2012. That’s different.
Tom: In what way?
Caller: Because it’s for a good cause.
Tom: Okay, then, if that’s correct, then why are we having this conversation?
Caller: Because, uh… well, yesterday, Jason got arrested.
Tom: So I’ve heard – for running around outside in his underwear, screaming and yelling, wandering into traffic, then getting naked and doing rude things with his… hands and other body parts. Have you seen the video of that, by the way?
Caller: No.
Tom: It’s gotten pretty good… exposure on the Internet, too, you know.
Caller: I don’t care, and I don’t intend to ever look at it, either. Anyway, then the police came and took him away and the judge put him in a psychiatric ward.
Tom: So – any idea what made him behave like that? Drugs? Alcohol?
Caller: Absolutely not! Jason doesn’t touch that stuff!
Tom: Well, I’ve read that his wife says Jason was suffering from dehydration, malnutrition and exhaustion.
Caller: Yes, I did… I mean, I also read that’s what his… his wife said.
Tom: But to tell the truth, I don’t recall ever hearing or reading, anywhere, that being malnourished, dehydrated or exhausted causes people to take off all their clothes and scamper about raving, writhing and playing with themselves. In fact, dehydrated, exhausted, malnourished people tend to be considerably more sedate. If Jason had been walking down the street to the bus stop and collapsed, now that’s behavior consistent with being dehydrated, malnourished and exhausted.
Caller: All right then, if it wasn’t dehydration, malnourishment and exhaustion, what do you think happened?
Tom: I think Kony 2012 made Jason Russell the man of the hour.
Caller: Yes, and then?
Tom: And then his hour was up.
Caller: Huh?
Tom: And he couldn’t take it.
Caller: And something just… snapped?
Tom: No, I think he probably decided to get arrested pulling some typically spectacular, gonzo Hollywood stunt, as if he really were a celebrity. And it worked – he got written up in TMZ for it, just as if he were Charlie Sheen or Nick Nolte pulling some of their trademark lunatic highjinx. Next, I bet we all get to see his mug shot on the Smoking Gun site.
Caller: No, no, no! We can’t let that happen! Come on, work with me here! There’s no way he can admit to doing that stuff just to get attention and publicity! If dehydration, malnutrition and exhaustion can’t explain it, and he didn’t use drugs or alcohol, tell me – what else could have caused Jason to behave like that?
Tom: Xylene.
Caller: Xylene?
Tom: Yeah. It’s used in paint thinners. If he was painting the garage or something, for example.
Caller: Okay, let me write one down. Spell?
Tom: X-Y-L-E-N-E. Then there’s 2-Aminopyridine. It’s used to make medicines. Maybe he got exposed to some of that in, say, an antihistamine.
Caller: Good possibility. Spell?
Tom: Sure – the number 2, then a dash, then A-M-I-N-O-P-Y-R-I-D-I-N-E.
Caller: Okay, good, anything else?
Tom: What with that climate in San Diego, you’ve got all kinds of ornamental plants down there. Check to see if it’s possible Jason was exposed to Carolina cherry laurel.
Caller: Carolina? Like in the state?
Tom: Yeah, like in South Carolina – which actually is next to Georgia, by the way.
Caller: And “cherry laurel?”
Tom: Right.
Caller: I don’t know – how could we convince people Jason accidentally ate come Carolina cherry laurel?
Tom: Yeah, perhaps that would be a bit difficult… maybe he was gardenng and got exposed to the sap? Oh, I’ve got it – Jason’s been to Africa, correct?
Caller: Yes, he has.
Tom: I mean, really been there, not making it up?
Caller: Of course he’s been to Africa – you know that! It’s in the video!
Tom: Alright, alright, no problem, just checking. In that case, see if you can get a diagnosis of Addington’s disease.
Caller: A diagnosis of what?
Tom: A-D-D-I-N-G-T-O-N apostrophe S disease.
Caller: Okay. Now, what’s Addington’s disease?
Tom: People catch it in Africa. There can be all kinds of symptoms, including acute mania, and here’s the kicker – it lies dormant for months, even years, and then gets set off by things like… wait for it… acute stress!
Caller: Yeah, that sounds great. Okay I’ll work on it. But if none of these pan out, can I call you back for some more?
Tom: Sure, anytime.
Caller: Oh, I can’t tell you how grateful I am!
Tom: You’re welcome.
Caller: Okay, I’ll call back if I need to. Give my love to Veronica, won’t you?
Tom: I’ll do that.
Caller: Thanks! Goodbye for now, then.
Tom: ‘Bye.