The Eyes of Texas Are Upon Operation Jade Helm

Usually, Austin Houston Crockett Bowie Bonham III stops by for a consultation whenever he’s here in Washington DC, but Friday afternoon, I got a telephone call from him instead. Gretchen’s voice had a distinct air of relief in it as she announced Austin’s call over the intercom, since he groped her pretty heavily during his… Continue reading The Eyes of Texas Are Upon Operation Jade Helm

Idiots’ Delight on Capitol Hill

Around ten o’clock this morning, Phineas “Trey” Forrest Beauregard Wanker III, senior staffer to junior Senator Thomas Bryant “Tom” Cotton of Arkansas, paid me a visit. His boss, Senator Cotton, has been here in Washington DC for about two years, and has served in the United States Senate, as the incumbent Secretary of State recently… Continue reading Idiots’ Delight on Capitol Hill

Did Petraeus Betray Us? Only His Mistress Knows for Sure!

My dear sister Rose’s oldest son, Hank Jr., came down to DC this week from Rhode Island, where he is studying art at Brown, in order to curate some recent modern art acquisitions for the Smithsonian. He brought along his current girlfriend, Lorelei, who is an English major. Hank Jr. dropped by my office on… Continue reading Did Petraeus Betray Us? Only His Mistress Knows for Sure!

Bill O’Reilly Recommends the Universal Solvent – Money

Thursday, I finished late – the last consultation ended at a quarter of nine. My footsteps echoed in the quiet, deserted parking garage under the building. Approaching my imported sports car, just as I was about to take out the electronic key to open the door, I heard an anxious whisper from behind a nearby… Continue reading Bill O’Reilly Recommends the Universal Solvent – Money

US Navy Gets Screwed by Fat Guy in Singpore and It Hurts

On a Friday night in a Norfolk, Virginia bar, a stone’s throw from the Navy’s most important base on the East Coast, you can meet a lot of miserable, drunken sailors.  But if you visit a bar, as I did, on a Friday night in Crystal City, Virginia, within spitting distance of the Pentagon, you… Continue reading US Navy Gets Screwed by Fat Guy in Singpore and It Hurts